Trust, "faggots" and sugar-free life.

Beware: no thought has gone into this blog whatsoever. I've hastily stumbled into writing this so I can change the little blog title on my facebook page to something a little less emo. I've been letting the emo take over a far too much lately. Kind of like the "bad Spiderman" in Spiderman 3, however I'm minus the cocky attitude and the gay fringe. By the way, if I make any reference to homosexuality on the internet will my readership condemn me like tweeters condemned Stephanie Rice for the use of the word "faggot" in her tweet? If truth be told, in context it was actually quite amusing. Don't get me wrong, in the wrong context I find the word offensive but it's not likely she went on some anti-gay tyrade saying something along the lines of "burn all faggots!" or the like....

Now onto a totally different topic which I am going to start with a dicitionary definition...

Trust: firm reliance on the integrity, ability or character of a person or thing.

Another definition...

Trust: One of the hardest things to obtain and one of the easiest things to lose.

I like to think I am trustworthy kind of person. I like to think I show integrity and character but why, when displaying on the traits that constitutes trustworthiness am I still not completely trusted? I don't get it.

Finally, I will publicly declare that I'm back to eating meat. Not out of choice mind you, it's because I recently found out I'm fructose intolerant and because I can eat so little now, I have to go back to eating meat as it is one of the few things I'm permitted to consume. So I unfortunately have come to the moral crossroads where I have to choose between self-preservation and animal preservation. As a human I position myself at the center of the universe so the former prevailed. I'm not going to lie, I feel dreadful for doing it...really, really dreadful but if you understood how little I can now eat it makes sense. A short and in no way comprehensive list of what I'm NOT allowed:

Almost all fruit (including tomatoes)
Most vegetables (including onion and lettuce even!)
A lot of herbs and spices (no garlic!)
No wheat products (fructose is found in wheat products)
Pretty much any processed food as everything contains sugar
Marinades, sauces, vegetable and beef stocks
Chocolate (or fake chocolate)
Alcohol (no more than 1 glass of white wine)

And that's not eveything. Eating used to be a joy. It's not anymore :o(

In good news! Grand Final Day, Epic Weekend Away, Steresonic, Falls Festival and summer are all just around the corner! Can't hardly wait! (Red flag: Is that also the title of a movie made in the 90s? A horrible, horrible movie?)

That's all
Nighty-night
oxxo

Fuck up 101

This is what a shit human looks like. Have a look. See what you can improve on.

I feel shit house. Really, really shit house and there is nothing I can or could have done about it.

That's what makes it that little bit worse. ..

Tranquilize the beast!!

This blog, up until about 5 seconds ago (when I had a kind of epiphany mid-sneeze) was going to be one of my periodic purging of the crazy in my life. I see my inner crazy side as being a kind erractic, unrestrained beast that when it rears it's ugly head requires prompt tranquilization and swift caging. If my inner BBC was to take an animal form perhaps it would be a lion or perhaps a less noble animal...maybe a disease-ridden monkey. I'm not too sure. Anyway, instead of going on a tyrade about;

a) My body being pretty much deficient in everything and pathetic
b) The fact that I'm almost pooping my pants I'm so nervous about starting uni again and the possibility of failure
c) How long it is until summer...

I have decided to write a list of my favourite things (you might have noticed by now that I like writing lists, it's a bit of an OCD trait of mine - For instance, I've already written a "to pack" list for my trip to South America which is 6 months away)

A few of my favourite things...

* Being around my loved ones
* Waking up, my alarm going off and realising I have no where I need to be.
* Being in bed when it's raining outside
* Getting into my comfies after a long day
* Seeing Rhys at the end of a such a day
* Waking up/falling asleep to rain on the roof
* The outdoors
* Being in love (note: this can also be a LEAST favourite thing)
* The euphoria after a Richmond win
* The warm, fuzzy drunk from red wine
* Dinner dates with my bitches
* The relief after handing in an assignment - nothing beats it
* Mojitos in summer
* A good cup of chai
* Cheese
* Cuddles from my significant other
* Summer nights
* People watching - anywhere, anytime
* Baby's laughing
* The feeling of accomplishment after a decent work-out
* Reading the last page of a good book
* Capturing a perfect photo
* Reunions with family and friends
* Well-illustrated picture books
* Going on an adventure
* Long, hot showers
* The drive home FROM work
* Being at airports because they're the gateway to the world
* My bonsai tree
* Sunsets - sunrises are overrated, they're too early and they don't produce the pretty purple colours sunsets do.
* Spending all day long at the beach, no make-up, no stess, sand in my hair and knowing that it's acceptable for me to wear my bathers around for hours afterwards.
* Going to a party when all my friends are collectively reckless
* Wendy's flake shakes
* My new camera
* Wood-fire pizza cooking days at the Barnes household
* Summer at Phillip Island, Rosebud and Tathra
* Beer pong
* Armani Code for Women. Mmmmmm.
* Love Actually - gives me a similar warm fuzzy feeling that red wine does.
* Grand Final Day - everyone is in a festive spirit, getting loose and watching the best game in the world
* Alfred Nicholas Gardens
* Cyber stalking - everyone
* Daydreaming of my trip to South America.
* Palmer's Cocoa Butter
* Bread - a consequence of working in a bakery for so many years
* Sitting in front of the open fire on a cold night

That'll do. I feel sufficiently positive after writing and reading that list that I think I can go to sleep relatively peaceful and content

A couple of side notes for future Emma if, when reading this, would like to know what Emma is actually doing at this current time in her life rather than reading a whimsical discussion on things that present-tense Emma likes... (back to the lists - OCD life)

* Future Emma, your younger self just came back from the snow last week. She went with her boyfriend Rhys to Mount Beauty and attempted to snowboard at Falls Creek. It was a lovely, perfect, relaxing couple of days...however, I will be surprised if you (future Emma) turns out to be a professional snowboarder. Seriously, you sucked so fucking hard. You really don't know how to balance. I hope this has improved for you with age Emma. By the way, current Emma is concerned about her emerging cellulite and frown lines. I assume this has worstened with time...
* At the time of writing I am going to attend a Monash Uni post-grad law welcome breakfast this morning (yes, it has passed 12 so you only have around 6 hours until you have to wake-up). Tough break...
* Election day is on Saturday. Tony Abbott VS Julia Gillard. Future Emma, I sincerely hope you will read this and this will trigger your memory of the election of '10 and you will think "Oh of course! The election of the 21st of August when both the Liberal Party and ALP headquarters were claimed by massive sinkholes that mysteriously and inexplicably swallowed both leaders and the majority of their spin-doctoring, lacking-in-substance, pathetic excuses for political parties whole.

On that note, goodnight my dear cyber friends
xoxo

P.S Meagy, I assure you you are not crazy as your blog suggests. I am more crazy, however like I said, I tranquilize the beast in its tracks.
P.P.S Speaking of beasts, that reminds me of dinosaurs, the movie 'Jurassic Park' and a conversation I had recently. I think it's time I go back to uni considering that in a discussion of nature's "survival of the fittest" I frequently referenced 'Jurassic Park' over any evolutionary scientists of note.
P.P.P.S I'm sorry if this blog sounds nutso, I'm at my most mentally feral in the wee hours.

Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

I will begin by making a point of the fact that I have never read or seen any film depictions of 'The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde' therefore my connections drawn between it's plot and the characters in my own life may be quite vague and misinformed. But, with that being said I am going to recklessly continue...

What I can gather about the plot is the Dr Jekyll is a respected doctor with plenty of friends and a kind disposition. However, after drinking a potion of his own creation a dark, violent and aggressive side to Dr Jeckyll emerges and this evil part of his split-personality becomes known as Mr Hyde. The broad theme to this story appears to be that everyone has a dark, suppressed aspect of their nature that can potentially rear it's ugly head when for some reason the circumstances permit it. Depictions of split-personality have been common in cinema and books, for instance, my favourite potrayal of split-personality disorder would have to be the protagonist in 'Fight Club' (I apologise to anyone that hasn't read or seen 'Fight Club' as that most definitely was a plot-spoiler). As you never know the name of the protagonist in 'Fight Club', I will refer to him as "John Smith" and his alter-ego is of course Tyler Durden. "John Smith" work a soul-sucking desk job specializing in faulty recalls at a car company and leads a relatively mundane and unobtrusive existence. Tyler Durden on the otherhand is a nihilistic anarchist whose charisma and wit elevates him to a position of an almost demigod amongst the members of his weekly fight club meetings.

Anyway, whilst these characters are both extreme examples of people with violent split-personality disorders, I think that everyone has a good and bad side to their character and in some people it's just more pronouned than others. I have someone in my life who is a prime example of this.

(Before you jump to conclusions as to who I am referring to, it is not Rhys. He is lovely all the time)

Going back to what I was saying, this person in my life can quikly shift between kind and cruel without their being a moments notice. This person can be friendly, funny and generally good-natured part of the time and then the polar opposite the next. Whilst this person is certainly not violent, I can sense a bad mood a mile off by a certain way their lip snarls, brow furrows and a particular look in their eye. I automatically feel tense and I know there is not one thing I can say or do that won't attract some kind of nasty or hurtful comment in response which (given my stubborn nature) usually sparks an argument/World War 3.

I hate walking on egg shells around this person and more than anything I hope that the recent and more frequent visits of the "Mr Hyde" aspect to his character do not forever tarnish the happier memories we have... because as it stands, this could potentially be the case if things continue as they do.

Gillard, love and all things vegetable.

No, I am not in love with Julia Gillard. Just because those words are in close proximity to each other in my title should not suggest that I am in love with our newly unappointed PM. This is despite the fact that my significant other made the (dangerous) comment yesterday that my new haircut made me look like her. However, he also accidently headbutted me that very same day, laughed and said "take that you common whore" so I think I'll take the "you look like Gillard" comment with a grain of salt. He must have been having a bad day on COD and it seems that a bad day of COD has the equivalent symptoms of the female PMS.

Going back to Gillard, I am of a mixed opinion of her currently. Sure she has dyed her hair a more flattering shade of red which ever-so-slightly distinguishes her from the common ginger but I still think she is a real bitch at the moment. 100% undeniable bitch. And sure, as a politician I think she is brilliant and has displayed such brilliance in her ability to a) climb so high on the political ladder in what is otherwise a male-dominated arena b) manage the biggest portfolio in federal politics under Rudd's leadership (workplace relations and education) c) be able to relate to the "everyday Australian" - something that Rudd was widely criticized for not doing through his "intellectual jibberish" 4) turn around popularity poll's in the lead-up to the upcoming election. However, despite this, like I said, absolute bitch. She constantly stressed how she would faithfully serve under Rudd and quote "you will see me on the bulldogs forward line before you see me Prime Minister". On the Monday of Rudd's final week/early exit/betrayal/backstabbing/, ALP frontbenchers (including Gillard aka Judas?) stated that Rudd had the full support of the Labour caucas. Yeah...rightio. Whilst this was all happening the supposed "left-wing" socialist Gillard was consorting with her ideological enemies within the ALP - the right-wing faction. So much for "faithfully serving" you scrag! Sure Rudd had his own shortcomings however he was an intelligent man who had nothing but the best intentions and deserved greater dignity than to have the rug pulled out from underneath him after 25 years of public service. I will never forget his final address and the shattered expression on his face as he watched parliament proceed from the backbench. It was a look of total devestation. He was a broken man.

Enough of that, I will now move onto a happier topic. L.O.V.E. I am at the beautiful, giddy, all warm and fuzzy, wonderfully in love zone at the moment. It's amazing that after carrying around a considerable amount of baggage, bitterness and misconceptions about the male species, Rhys has in 6 months eliminated all of them. I struggle to think of anyone more loyal, caring, fun, selfless, kind and honest than Rhys. When I see his face I feel so much affection for him its overwhelming and I get this kind of involuntary spasm that means I must hug him when he's nearby. He is a good person.

Finally, vegetables. I have had it up to here (I wish there were some kind of emoticon that could illustrate me gesturing what "up to here" is) with people asking me "why the fuck would you want to be a vegetarian?" Consequently, my next blog shall provide a point-by-point guide as to why giving up meat is a) philosophically and ethically right b) good for your health and c) beneficial to the enviroment. Eight months on and despite the occasional slip-up (it's hard to go cold turkey - note meat pun), I am still dedicated to the cause and hopefully have proven that this is just not a phase. Taking moral considerations into account, I cannot justify the slaughter of animal for my momentary pleasure of tasting its flesh. We seem to live in an anthropocentric (human-centred) world, however animals and the envionment should not exist purely for human exploitation.

That's enough on that topic. I will delve into it more deeply in a future blog. Oh god... I just realised I have lost much of my readership by the fact that not only did I talk about politics for a considerable period of time but also about vegetarianism. Most people hate politics and hate vegetarians. So great, you probably hate me now.

Stay classy,
xoxo

Lessons we should learn from Riley

"The Short and Incredibly Happy Life of Riley" is a children's picture story book by Colin Thompson that has got to be one of my favourite picture books of all time. You may be asking, "why is Emma reading picture books?" In response, refer to my previous blog and my mention of my Peter Pan Syndrome. Not only that, I love picture books for their illustrations and often cute little life lessons that accompany them. I can't wait to have kids one day purely so I can finally justify buying these books that are in fact marketed towards kids of about five.

Back to topic, "The Short and Incredibly Happy Life of Riley" tells the tale of a rat who appreciates the little things in life and is content with not being, having, seeing the best of everything. The book constantly juxtaposes what is wrong with humans and what we can learn from living a more simple, Riley-esque type existence.

An couple of example passages,

"Riley looked in the mirror and didn't think anything. There he was, not too big, not too small, simply himself - Riley. However people look in the mirror and get very depressed.... They want to be taller-shorter-thinner-here-but-much-bigger-there-curly-straight-younger-older-less-spotty-moustache-smooth-skin-golden-sun-tan-gorgeous-irresistible-not-bald-and-famous-in-a-painting"

"Riley fell in love with the first girl he met. He thought she was perfect and the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. They had lots and lots of perfect children and all lived happily ever after, except Kevin who got hit by a bus but he was still happy because he never saw it coming. People fall in love all over the place... They fall in love with themselves and as many other people as they can. They want to spend the rest of their lives with the most-beautiful-funniest-curviest-clever-but-not-as-clever-as-me-exciting-I-wonder-what-I-ever-saw-in-him/her-my-wife/husband/partner/dog-doesn't-understand-me-do-you-come-here-often-anyone-everyone-in-the-world"

(Tompson, Hatchette, 2005)

In short, this book is gorgeous and everyone should read it! I pick it up when I'm feeling down and it never fails to improve my mood.

However in talking about moods, I'm currently extremely happy for the following reasons (cue mandatory life update)

1. I got into law at Monash. I start in late August! After years of studying I'm now preparing to embark on more years of studying. Wooohoo (?)
2. I'm in love
3. I have the best family and friends in the known universe
4. I've signed up to the gym again and I'm jumping back aboard the health train.

Ciao!

The Bucket List

I have Peter Pan syndrome. I miss my childhood more than I can say and the thought that with each day, each hour and each second I'm getting closer to my death frightens me. I'm not scared of death as such. I know that a) there is no afterlife, b) that I will rot and decompose in the ground (without my vital organs) c) it will be exactly like the nothingness before life. I comforted by the fact that after I die, the world will keep turning, the sun will rise in the East and set in the West, people will keep living their lives and my fleeting existence will be soon forgotten about. The only reason that death frightens me is that I don't ever want to get to my death bed and feel like my time has been wasted, or I have pursued a career that didn't interest me or worst of all, just settled with what's comfortable. Like the saying goes, "life begins at the end of your comfort zone"... In saying this, I have decide to compile a "bucket list" of sorts that includes both outlandish childhood aspirations and current goals that if I were to fufill one (or ideally more than one), I would die relatively content...

*Please note, this list gets quite lengthy so I encourage you not to read on too far. It is more of a personal reference list that I will one day print and attempt (as much as time, funds and circumstances permit me)

1) Get married, have a happy family and my own two little kiddies that I can teach to become awesome little humans
2) Write a book
3) Become an orphan elephant carer
4) Get a job on 'Getaway'
5) Jump off a cliff (into water of course, otherwise the bucket list would end here)
6) Travel around South America
7) Work and live in Europe for at least a year. Visit every European capital
8) Buy my own house that includes a veggie patch, library, open fire place and a display cupboard for all the teacups I will have collected by the time I can actually afford to buy my own house.
9) Study law, get into practice and one day offer my services pro bono to the disadvantaged
10) See the Great Wall of China
11) Go trekking in Nepal
12) Go on a safari in Africa
13) See the Pyramids of Giza, visit the Valley of the Kings and the Karnak temple
14) Visit heaven on Earth (the Maldives)
15) Bike ride around the French countryside
16) Eat as many different types of cheese and try as many different wines as possible
17) Go back to Vietnam for a couple of months.
18) Drive around Australia in a van, doing casual jobs here and there and living on beaches in Northern Queensland.
19) Explore the Amazon.
20) Get my photo taken at Times Square
21) See Harajuko girls of Japan...actually just see Japan in general.
22) Learn to play the guitar.
23) Teach myself Spanish
24) Snorkelling at the Great Barrier Reef
25) Go shopping in London
26) Drink guiness in Ireland
27) Visit the Berlin wall
28) Be alive to witness aliens first contact with Earth
29) Learn salsa and ballroom dancing
30) Be able to do the splits
31) Teach myself to juggle
32) Take kickboxing classes
33) Join a book club/start a book club
34) Swim with sharks
35) Own a pet snake
36) Sky dive
37) Learn how to drive a manual and drive a race car
38) Be in Rio for Carnival
39) Watch the running of the bulls in Pamplona
40) Be in the crowd for an English soccer match
41) Spend a night in a French Chateau or a European castle
42) Visit the Lourve in Paris
43) Kiss the Blarney Stone
44) Get a photo on the crossing outside the Abbey Road Studios
45) Visit Havana in Cuba
46) Host my own high tea party
47) Sail around the Greek Islands
48) See the biggest democracy in action in India
49) Buy a DSLR camera and do a photography course
50) Do lessons in painting
51) Buy the Rolling Stones 'Best 500 records of all time'
52) Go to Oktober Fest' in Germany
53) Go whale watching
54) Road trip to Byron bay with friends
55) See the Cherry Blossom Festival in Japan
56) Visit Gion and the old geisha districts in Japan
57) Learn to play chess
58) Become a skilled Barista
59) Try my hand at poetry
60) Experience weightlessness
61) Participate in the World's largest food fight
62) Be in Thailand for a latern lighting festival
63) Become an aunty
64) Learn how to do a backflip
65) Learn to make a least 20 different cocktails
66) Keep a recipe journal
67) Attend a ball (a proper ball)
68) Live in the city and have a view of the city skyline
69) Buy, grow and maintain a Japanese Maple Bonsai tree.
70) Become self-sufficient (veggie garden, chickens, eggs etc)
71) Build a pond
72) See Cirque Du Soleil
73) Go on a long, long train journey (destination currently unknown - possibly the Trans-Siberian Railway or the Orient Express)
74) Explore the Galapogas Islands
75) Go rural for a while
76) Fly in a fighter jet
77) Drive along Route 66 in the US
78) Fly over Antartica
79) See an active volcano
80) Shower in a waterfall
81) Gamble in Vegas
82) Make my bedroom look as picturesque as an Ikea catalogue
83) Get into optimal physical shape
84) Invent somthing
85) Finally be organised and be completely on top of everything
86) Do the Kakoda trail
87) Volunteer (regularly) at a Salvo's soup van
88) Sing in front of a crowd
89) Learn the inner working of a car and learn to do car maintenance myself
90) Try the national cuisine and drink of every country I visit
91) Visit a blues bar in Chicago
92) Learn to surf
93) Sew my own dress
94) Watch turtles hatch and make their epic journey from sand to sea
95) Adopt a dog that is about to be put-down
96) See how long I can stay awake for in one stint
97) Read every Pulitzer Prize winning novel
98) Read my massive history guide (front to back)
99) See the Terracotta Warriors
100) See the Taj Mahal
101) See the monuments of ancient Rome
102) Visit Russia in the Winter
103) Witness the Northern Lights

Wow! This quickly got out of hand! However I will surely add more soon. Let's just hope I live until about 200 years old so I can fit it all in...